Paint on the Walls
by Tivaroo
Summary: Sitting on his threadbare couch, looking towards the vacant screen of his television. Set between Singled Out and Faking It.


**Paint on the Walls**

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"_Temporary Team leader. And that was because Gibbs quit." _

"_You don't think I rate my own Team?" _

"_Wouldn't be here if you, would you, DiNozzo?" _

"_Yeah… Maybe you're right." _

**McGee & DiNozzo 4x03 Singled Out.**

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It was almost too quiet for Tony's liking. Sitting in his apartment, recommencing the last few months and for today. Sitting on his threadbare couch, looking towards the vacant screen of his television. Nothing was on and Tony didn't feel like watching a movie. He could watch movies any time. Movies were a way for Tony to escape from reality. From the pain, the sorrow and a way to forget that he was still breathing. Everything and everyone in this puny world, seems to be against him. Finding a way to destroy his sanity. It's almost too late. He should have taken up Jenny's job offer, to have a team of his own. Can nobody see that he is hurting inside. So many people have taken his views for granted and none of them had considered that he may just need help.

Ever since Gibbs had returned, no one hadn't even said a simple. 'Thank you.'

What is this world coming too? All his life, Tony has been neglected by his own family having to survive on his own. There have been a few times, when Tony just felt like giving up. Couldn't see any good reasons to be around anymore. Nobody would miss him, they would continue on making petty jokes about his livelihood. They would replace him. They wouldn't miss him, like they did for Kate. Would they cry at his funeral and say the words Tony has always wanted to hear. 'I'm sorry.'

Is it really that hard? Or are they afraid of Gibbs saying it's a sign of weakness to apologise. They wanted Gibbs back to take over the reins he had given Tony. They never wanted Tony to be their leader. They didn't trust him enough to lead them through their hour of need. Abby was too busy crying over her many pictures of her true hero. McGee's remarks always biting Tony's heels with that smug _'I'm smarter then you'_ expression. Ziva was the worst of them all, the woman he fantasies about, was always arguing with Tony's leadership skills, it was quite clear to Tony that Ziva wanted to lead and not some immature jock.

When Jenny offered him an undercover op, Tony took that as his one big chance to prove his fellow teammates wrong. Only afterwards did he learn, the op is to be a secret mission and no she turn down that offer. To go to Rota, Spain and to be a team leader. Turning it down, for some stupid reason. Because he felt that the team still needs him, despite their putting down remarks.

Why? Because their family. The only family Tony truly deserved to keep and to cherish. It is a small world after all. If only the others knew he had turned down an opportunity of a lifetime, for them. Not for his selfish needs, for them and for them alone. Maybe when the mission is over, than yeah. He'll tell them all. If he sticks around after their cruel treatment towards him.

The paint on his walls is beginning to peel away from the wall it was previously painted on. Just like his life, slowly fading away until it was no more than memory. A memory worth forgetting about.

He could always leave the place and live someplace else. To live somewhere far, far away from here. Away from the pain his team, his family has caused him to suffer unwillingly. Didn't ask to be neglected, to be abused from those who were meant to care for him in the first place. All his life, he has known pain and knew how to ignore the worst of it. To ignore the paint on the wall.

He'll survive. Tony has always survived when he should have died. Even if he knew in his heart of hearts, he didn't want to live to tell the tale. Wanted to live in a place where there is no pain, only love. Love and the true joys in life is something Tony would love to know and cherish.

He'll stay, for them. For the ones who have blighted his every action to breathe a word of command. They should consider themselves very lucky that their poor former temporary team leader and now senior field agent again, had chosen to stay for the ungrateful bunch.

Luck has nothing to do with it. He is just waiting for the opportune moment to find the home he has been searching for a long time.

Turning on the television the screen. To see if there is anything worth watching or he could always turn to his favourite pass time. Movies.

**The End.**


End file.
